roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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