just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
