if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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