You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
