I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Vodka?
Forever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
