dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The uberlube is also flammable
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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