12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
