I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
