i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize