and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
