At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
