There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
