i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just blew my weed a kiss
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
