Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
false alarm, still single
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
