I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
