hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
