I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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