Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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