so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Floor bacon is actually really good
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
