If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
