just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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