I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
