I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
