U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we're so committed to being not committed
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
