im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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