ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
