I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
