alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize