Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so let's talk penis.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
