I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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