the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
