Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
