I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
