does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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