What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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