Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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