Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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