he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
