Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
