May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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