I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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