On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
