My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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