The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Buhtt sex?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
