I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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