I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
