dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize