just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
