My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
