he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
