And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize