Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
