The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
