can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
