Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
