Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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