so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
