Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh god the rape fog is back!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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