Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
