halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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