He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
