i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
