i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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