Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
