i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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