Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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