She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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