it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
