woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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