Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I want her autograph on my taint
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
